Game Theory, John Nash, and the MoHo Dilemma.

on 20 January 2009

My plans:
I am gay. I am a Child of God. He loves me. His son atoned for my sins, pains and sufferings. HE wants me to be happy and return to him. I have to do that by following the Spirit which tells me to start a family and raise children with a loving Husband. IF the Church isn’t true then MY testimony in it and God is shaken and thus my spiritual experience to live with a husband isn't true. But then What does it matter. If I look at this like a game theory problem then I have the choices to Cooperate with the Church, or defect from it, those are my options. The Church’s option is to be true or not. Looking at this as for a Nash Equilibrium point of view I come up with the following possible outcomes:
1. If I cooperate and the Church is true, then I have obeyed the teachings of the Church but not the Spirit and will achieve the blessings promised simply through the sheer will power, but will be without help-meet or children and thus will have missed many opportunities for human and spiritual development.
2. If I cooperate and the Church isn’t true, then I have wasted my entire life following that which is untrue, being completely alone and leaving no posterity. I would have lived a moral life, but to what outcome, Where would I fall in the Hierarchy of Heaven or the levels of Hell.
3. If I defect and the Church is true, then I will have been following the spirit and will be blessed with obedience to the spirit and thus will be blessed in the afterlife. I will have had the opportunity to be a father and husband and learn to love ad the Father loves.
4. If I defect and the Church isn’t true then I will not have spent my life following that which isn’t true, and then I will have had the ability to love as a father and as a husband but where my place in the eternities lies is still up in the air.

In laying out the possible choices and options and actions and outcomes then I am left with the best possible choice for both me and the group as having me defect. It is the best way for me to be a productive member of society, It makes me the happiest and teaches me important life and spiritual lessons and I will have been following the spirit. This is my decision, and I wish I could make it now, but instead I must wait until after the Middle school musical is over (people irrationally fear that I am a pedophile) I might also wait until my mother is on stronger ground with herself emotionally and in her marriage, I don’t want to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. So I am set to come out Either March 8th (my birthday) or on May 6th after I finish with my finals.

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2 comments:

Lush Amazon said...

I think that you're underestimating your mother(not that i know her in any way). I didn't think that my mother could deal with it but she needed to know. The sooner you do it, the sooner it can heal. just follow your heart.

Frank Lee Scarlet said...

I like your reasoning -- it reminds me of Pascal's Wager.

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