Mo vs. Ho

on 10 May 2009

I choose to use the term MoHo for several reasons. Largely it is because I feel as if in either community I do not belong and so I have banded together with others who are likewise oriented and we have formed an ad hoc community. Since the Proposition 8 battle, there is little place for someone with Same Gender Attraction in the Church – at least publicly where support can be given – and in the Homosexual community (to any extent) there is hardly a place for an active member of the Church.

This ostracism from the two communities (both urging me, and nearly requiring me to destroy half of who I am) is what largely defines me. I define myself as homosexual in the respect that I am more attracted to men than to women. On the Kinsey scale I am probably about a 5 out of 6 with 6 being only same-sex attractions and a 0 being only opposite-sex attractions. As for defining myself as Mormon, I find that while I have a strong testimony of many things ranging from the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, the fullness of the Atonement (including how Elder Holland sees it) and Thomas S. Monson.

I do find that my testimony of the Church’s position on Same-Gender attraction is severely lacking. Because of this I often fluctuate in my opinions of what I need to do with my life. Which of these seemingly two opposite masters should I serve? I feel that they are not mutually exclusive as there is a large space for homosexual spirituality and the Church is not a resort for the perfect but a hospital for the sinner and trying to reconcile this is my dilemma. I define myself as an odd member of two separate circles not out of any desire to advance either’s agenda, but because of the simple fact that that I am the tangential point in these two circles.

4 comments:

Bravone said...

David, I and many can relate to how you feel. Sometimes I feel out of place in the church. I do find solace in the atonement. I attend and take what I can of the gospel. I do feel peace in that. I teach gospel doctrine to the 16-18 year-olds. My heart is softer because of my long war between my spirit and my natural man. I have lost some battles, but overall find life very fulfilling. I wish you the same, only with fewer battles lost.

Beck said...

"I feel that they are not mutually exclusive as there is a large space for homosexual spirituality and the Church is not a resort for the perfect but a hospital for the sinner..."

Very true. There is plenty of space here - they are not mutually exclusive - they just feel like they are. You aren't the tangential point. We are legion - it just feels like you (we) are all alone.

Jack Todd said...

Not to change the subject or anything, But I am curious if you have heard the taped recording of Marie Osmond supporting Civil unions for all same sex couples? She is pretty amazing in her support for her Gay daughter Jessica Blosil. I am happy to see such a high profile Mormon come out and make such strong positive statements about love & hate and supporint loved ones. I would love to hear your reaction or thoughts David since you are already wise beyond your years...

Jack Todd said...

P.S. you can email me at jaktodd@gmail.com I truly would love to hear your thoughts : )

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